When Life Hands You a Gold Star: A Mother's Journey from Vietnam Through Depression to Victory - Tapa blanda

One spring afternoon in Indianapolis, Jean Toler glanced through her front window and saw a marine in dress blues walking up to her front door. As many other mothers will remember to their sorrow, the uniform was not a good sign--something was very wrong. Her son, Marine P.F.C. John L. (Bud) Coleman had been killed April 21, 1968, in Quang Tri, Vietnam. Until that time, she had only thought of gold stars as stickers found at the top of a perfect paper. Her ideas about gold stars changed forever when she received the pin from the U.S. government signifying she had lost a child in combat. A few months later Jean was formally inducted into the American Gold Star Mothers organization. As a result of her loss, Jean suffered for years with chronic depression, undergoing many different therapies including psychotherapy and 36 electroshock treatments. She learned over the years that depression is not an enemy who can be vanquished forever, but one who must be dealt with on a daily basis. Today she feels both pride and pain in being a gold star mother. Jean is proud her son Bud had a small part in defending the freedoms of America. Although it was hard, she has gradually accepted her grief. Through the years as Jean searched book stores and libraries to find information that would help her, she found no books regarding gold star mothers. The books concerning parents losing children to death in other ways were helpful to a certain degree, but she believes the death of a child in war is different—not harder or more outstanding than other grief, just different. She began to feel that it was her task in life to share what she had learned about dealing with grief with other gold star mothers. So her book When Life Hands You a Gold Star: A Mother’s Journey from Vietnam through Depression to Victory was born from her desire to assist others in understanding and recovering from the feelings of loss and depression they may experience after losing a child in war.

Jean Toler fantasized having the perfect family depicted in the wedding and baby photographs she hand-colored in her grandfather’s studio. Her son anticipated an exciting career in the Marines like his uncle who fought in World War II. Instead, the nightmare of the Vietnam War shattered their lives. Jean became the unwilling member of a special group called Gold Star Mothers—named for the gold star families hung in their windows to honor a son or daughter who had died in war. Through her book, Jean shares her story of loss, struggle and perseverance as she journeys through the aftermath of a war so many didn’t believe in, and discovers that freedom is not free—and for Jean, it came at the greatest cost of all. This American Gold Star mother recounts the journey from the depths of despair to victory.“There were many difficult days during my two tours of duty in Vietnam. Our everyday existence would have been more than most people could imagine, but April 21, 1968, was the day that changed everything for me for the rest of my life. Bud Coleman and most of the rest of my platoon were killed in two separate incidents. This was the defining day that spelled out how I would live the rest of my life and also the day my spirit died.” --George Brondsema, author of Born in the ‘40s, Raised in the ‘50s, Died in the ‘60s