The Optimist's/Pessimist's Handbook: A companion to hope and despair - Tapa dura

'We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.' (Oscar Wilde) 'I tell you, we're in a blessed drain-pipe, and we've got to crawl along it till we die.' (H.G. Wells) Are optimists just reckless dreamers? Are pessimists miserable doom-mongers or just erring on the side of caution? Is the glass half empty or half full? Brilliantly compiled and beautifully written, this is a rich anthology of evidence from both sides of any argument. Covering everything from Africa to Beauty, Happiness to Patriotism to Walking, it is sop to any disposition; the perfect tool for squabbling families, a counterbalance for arguing couples and a mine of detail for the quarrelsome. The Optimist on the Afterlife: My heaven will be filled with wonderful young men and dukes. (Dame Barbara Cartland ) And the Pessimist: 'That’s what Hell will be like, small chat to the babbling of Lethe about the good old days when we wished we were dead. (Samuel Beckett)

Humanity’s story is one long testimony to the truth that life is what you make it – and how! As pioneers, inventors and dreamers have always known, you can do anything you think you can. Since we hauled ourselves out of the swamp our history has been one of extraordinary cultural and technological progress, of beautiful discoveries and remarkable achievements, often against the odds. It is no coincidence that you see no statues of pessimists in town squares. Even if you are not moved to feats of derring-do for the greater good, the fact is that optimists are healthier, happier, richer and longer-lived than their gloomy counterparts. Yet cynical and doubting voices are heard all too loudly in public discourse. Well, listen out, you killjoys! The Optimist’s Handbook is a joyful explosion of wit and wisdom from past and present, near and far, that celebrates the art of greeting life with the excitement it deserves. A potent antidote to gloom and doom, it will inspire, enchant and entertain you as you go forward into all your wonderful tomorrows. Niall Edworthy is the celebrated author of twenty books, making him a hero to many around the globe. Commentators say it is just a matter of time before he sweeps the board of literary awards, turns down a seat in the House of Lords and retires from his estate in the Home Counties to a tropical island, a robust, over-sexed, eight-figure-millionaire philanthropist. In her dazzling early career launching exhibitions, publishing magazines, editing books and writing for television, Petra Cramsie added considerably to the gaiety of nations. She now lives in a rural idyll above Herefordshire’s Golden Valley, secure in the knowledge that tomorrow will be even better than today. Blessed with children, Petra often reminds those citizens of a brighter future that a day without a smile is like a day without sunshine. ********************** Why beat about the bush? The truth is that life is tough, unbearably tough – a never-ending cycle of toil and pain. What solace is there in blind optimism or fanciful daydreaming when it is clear the world is heading towards meltdown? Resigning yourself to life’s grim treadmill, and thereby avoiding further disappointment, must be the best way forward. The Pessimist’s Handbook is an indispensable and compassionate companion on your journey through this vale of tears. A clear-sighted, realistic look at life’s difficulties and trials, it is stocked with the pearls of wisdom you need to counter the irritating voices of those who trumpet futile positivity and inane confidence in a brighter future. Feel reassured that many share your sense of impending doom, and have done so since time began . . . But there is absolutely no point in buying a copy of this book . . . Better buy two in case you leave one on the bus. Over the past decade Niall Edworthy has made a poor to modest living as a jobbing hack. An ongoing disappointment to his dysfunctional family and both his friends, Niall spends his days in a cold garage in the middle of nowhere typing nonsense into an old computer with the one finger not yet afflicted by RSI. His magnum opus, Life Is a Bowl of Toenail Clippings, remains unfinished. After years spent toiling at various unrewarding employments, Petra Cramsie left London to face the vicissitudes of middle age. She and her dependants live in a godforsaken, wind-tormented spot opposite the Black Mountains. When she is not up to her eyeballs in relentless domestic drudgery, she spends her time contemplating the exact size, shape and texture of the handbasket in which the world is going to hell.