King of the Mild Frontier: An Ill-Advised Autobiography - Tapa dura

• A good reason to be phobic about oysters and olives?
• That you can step inside a roaring coal furnace and feet cool?
• That Jesus had an older brother?
• How shutting your mouth can help you avoid brain surgery?
• How to avoid cow-pies during your baptism?
• How to survive in the winter wilderness with only a fishing pole and a sausage?

And once you have read about Chris Crutcher's life as a dateless, broken-toothed, scabbed-over, God-fearing dweeb, and once you have contemplated his ascension to the buckskin-upholstered throne of the King of the Mild Frontier, you will close this book, close your eyes and hold it to your chest, and say, "I, too, can be an author."